After a very disappointing round 1 of trying to grow eggs, I came off of the meds as I mentioned in the post before. I began my hormonal period from having so many hormones controlling it for 18 days, and am now waiting for my natural one. I mean, who doesn't want to 2 periods in a month. Yesss!
The body is crazy! All the bloating is gone and my boobs feel normal again haha! Not so squishy and full- which some may say "but that is awesome!", and it is, but kinda less so when you already have ample, don't have bigger bras, and are not actually pregnant. My abdomen went back to normal too. I have been back to the gym and eating healthy- feeling really great! I am trying to get ready for the next round, hopefully starting sometime later this week.
I have the meds all ordered and they will be here by Thursday just in case I do start soon. Because, as before, we begin on day 3. Then all the shots start again and the appointments too. Fingers crossed this one goes better!! At least I know what to expect this round- especially in the form of the punch in the face exhaustion. I am still dreading the shots and needles and the exhaustion- but feel better prepared.
With this new round coming up I have a couple of words of advice for both the people going through it and for those around them that hopefully will help. I have a tough skin in general. I don't let things bother me toooo much and especially when I know they come from a good place or intention. But I know that I am different than a lot of people in this regard and especially in this situation. When people would try to commiserate with me (which I totally appreciate) when I would try to explain how tired I am, or how the hormones made me feel, or that my boobs and pants were the wrong size because of the shots, and they respond with "You think you're tired now? wait till they're here!" or "Welcome to feeling gross and fat for the next several months" or "Imagine how tired you'll be when you get pregnant!"
I understand these statements and why they are being said- usually with love and laughter, but there's a catch. I'm NOT actually pregnant. I am TRYING, sometimes painfully, to BECOME pregnant. So, the joke is on me. I get all of the symptoms, pain, extra finances, emotional roller coaster, BUT I don't have a human inside. There may or may not be a baby. And in the first round- it didn't work. So there wasn't. But I got to feel all of those things that are felt when a person first becomes pregnant. Awesome.
Now, I understand what I signed up for. Did I cry like a baby? yes. Did I curse the day and all that is dumb? yes. Did I gather my tribe around me for love and support? absolutely. But that may not be the case for some. And if they don't have a tough skin, or maybe this is something they reallllllly wanted, comparing them to your time when your were actually pregnant with a baby may not be the kindest thing. It can be hurtful and awkward, even though that is not your intention. Also, it is hard to explain that the effects of all of the drugs are not cumulative. That there is not a slow and gradual buildup over the first trimester of pregnancy to feel effects of the hormones. It is literally within hours of taking the medication. This is really hard to explain. What I am trying to say is that it is always good to be mindful of what you are saying about pregnancy to someone trying (and maybe not succeeding) to become pregnant.
The flip side is, of course, that if you are going through IUI or IVF and choose to share your experience (which I find has been really helpful and supportive), you also need to be mindful in your reactions. These are people that love you. They most likely have not gone through this, nor probably have really dealt with someone who has on such a personal level, and therefore are figuring out too. It is a time to have patience and love and understanding. :) For me- know, that it is ok to talk about pregnancy, and to be super excited if you become pregnant! I love all of it and want to share in that with you. My story is separate and my joy for you is ecstatic!!!! Again- love and kindness.
With all of that said, I am hoping that this next round is kick ass (like my jellies in that photo) and that the eggs will grow! Chant it with me now! GROW!