Up for some honesty this morning?
Now, I know that it could be worse. I could be on bed rest or throwing up everyday or have my back go out or have toxemia, but seriously, what in the hell are people talking about when they said "oh you are in your second trimester- easy sailing now! This is the honeymoon period. Enjoy!"
Overall, I feel pretty good. But my idea of a honeymoon period is traveling across France eating allllll the things, kissing on riverbanks, and not working. What is not in the "oh I think this is a honeymoon" is having carpal tunnel that started at week 13. That I literally cannot feel my hands at night and sleep in splints so they go LESS numb, and ache all the way up to my shoulders. And then because I do wigs and makeup and use my hands all the time, my right hand goes numb throughout the day.
Or not in the bag of fun ideas is that of not being able to eat normal amounts of food because I get full quickly or have indigestion, or even though I am not throwing up, there are still things that absolutely sound awful. Like a HARD pass. hahaha! Or now that things are winding down from the "honeymoon period", I have to go on a low glycemic diet. Now that's fun! What pregnant women ever said, "I don't want sugary carby things.....oh noooo...." (insert eye roll) lol I don't know who the heck they interviewed that was like, I eat everything and eat for 2 (or 3) and am never full!!! I have yet to talk to a pregnant person who can do this. Lies! lol Nor, should we eat that much anyway!
And then while there is the awesomeness, truly, of growing a person- it feels pretty cool and weird, I (we) are still human and feel kinda like a cute Beluga whale that is still growing. Logically, I get it, it is what happens and must happen. With climbing stairs and feeling like you ran a marathon, tying shoes getting harder (what happened to velcro?!), and bending over becoming increasingly difficult, you feel super amazing and definitely on a honeymoon. Emotionally, you are like "am I still attractive" (legit worry if you're single or with a significant other), "my boobs look good, oh yeah!" but then the next day, you're like, I miss my underwire bra that kept those babies up! haha! As a single person doing this, while finding a boyfriend is NOT on my priority list AT ALL, you still wonder if you're attractive. Its dumb, but alas, that is being human.
There are definitely days when I am over it. It has been a year and half that my body has not been mine with all the IVF treatments. So, the pregnancy part has been the shortest part of the journey. I am so thankful it worked!!! Seriously. And I am getting really excited to meet this little tiny human man growing inside of me. He is kicking and doing all kinds of things in there. But I do want my body back, my regular heart rate after doing something easy, my bras and my pants and my dresses. And I can't wait to show Aiden the world.
It is a messy bunch of feelings and emotions and that is ok. Just like a lot of things on this journey, women (and men too) don't really like to talk about the stuff that maybe makes them sound ungrateful or like they're not happy about being pregnant. It is just not the case. Ligaments hurt, things are swollen, feelings are sensitive, appointments are frequent, skin is glowing, boobs are bigger, so are hips....haha..... it's all very overwhelming and cool......it is all valid and exciting and scary and fun.
So, for those of you out there going through it all too- know that it is not a honeymoon in Europe. They are full of crap. But It is all different and new and exciting. Now, if we can just get the docs feeding us this bs to be honest, that'd be great! ;)
With all my love,